Do you frequently find yourself failing at things or not reaching the goals that you set?
Do you blame others for this or procrastinate what you are supposed to be doing?
You might be self-sabotaging yourself. Don’t worry though, this is a super common trait to have and there is a way to get around it.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotaging is when we intentionally or unintentionally cause ourselves to fail or to not reach the goals that we set for ourselves.
This can be caused by various reasons including:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- Lack of self-worth
- Lack of self-esteem
One example of self-sabotaging can be seen in relationships. Both romantic and platonic.
You could be in a perfectly healthy relationship with a significant other but deep down you are afraid of commitment, or you have low self-worth so you start to do things that will negatively impact the relationship.
You might start canceling on dates or picking at every flaw of your partner, you might even become just flat-out rude to them in hopes they will break up with you.
Eventually, your partner can’t take it anymore, or you come up with enough reasons to break it off.
There wasn’t anything really wrong with the relationship, you just caused problems, consciously or unconsciously that then caused the relationship to end.
Self-sabotage can be seen in something like losing weight as well. Someone might really want to lose a few pounds, but they can’t seem to reach their goals.
They continue to eat junk food and come up with excuses not to work out or go for a walk.
This could be caused by the need for comfort. Sometimes we can see the extra pounds as a layer of protection that we have grown too comfortable with.
Or maybe this person doesn’t even start trying to lose weight because they simply don’t want to take the chances of failing while doing so, so they just don’t try.
Other Ways You May See Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
- Being unreliable and canceling on those you love for no real reason
- Always thinking badly about yourself of others around you
- Blaming others for why you are where you are
- Telling yourself and others that you can’t change for whatever reason
- Not going through with certain things and then missing out on the opportunity
- Not setting goals for yourself because you feel you will fail
Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging
The most important thing to do when self-sabotaging is to recognize when you are doing it.
You may not think that you are, but when you look at the root of the action or problem, you might find that you tend to lean on self-sabotaging behaviors.
How to Deal With Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Once you can recognize these behaviors, you need to sit down and find out the why behind them.
What triggers you to take self-sabotaging actions? Are there specifics events or environments that bring this behavior out in you? Try to make a list of all the triggers and specifics behind your actions.
Once you can figure out your triggers, try to think about why these things trigger you.
Are there underlying fears about a certain topic or activity? Is there a past event that has led to avoid something in particular? Try to figure out why you want to stop yourself from whatever it is you aren’t reaching.
It may also help to continue journaling about yourself and who you are as a person. If you suffer from low self-esteem, you could benefit from finding out the root of why?
I highly recommend this book on self-love. It has really helped me out in learning more about myself and learning to accept myself as who I am now.
Learning to overcome this unworthy feeling can really help you to stop acting on self-sabotaging needs and allow you to achieve success and enjoy life.
Another thing you could practice in your journal is learning to not live in the past. Is there anything from your past that you are holding on to that is affecting your present and your future in a negative way?
Write about it and find out why you can’t let go of it. Sometimes writing these things out and finding out the details can help you come to a moment of closure that allows you to move on and live more freely.
I really do encourage you to start looking at the things that you seem to be failing in or are held back on and think deeply about them.
Start a journaling practice that will help you learn more about yourself every day and learn how to live a freer and more fulfilling life.
I hope that this information helps you out in some way and that you can start living a life where you feel worthy enough to let yourself succeed and have fun.